Originally Posted by Polyanomaly
Edit: a couple of you wondered why it had taken me so long of worrying about this. The answer is that we have had life problems happening one after the other, all intertwining and affecting our relationship, and we are only just beginning to untangle everything. Even though this has been bothering me that much, it has only just reached the top of the list!
Hi Polyanomaly, welcome and thanks for stopping by. Your first post was very nicely written, genuine and thoughtful. Although I suppose this is "technically" a poly forum, as you've no doubt discovered, what we talk about most and are most focused on is building strong, loving, healthy relationships. Mono, poly - who cares ! The net intent is the same.
But this last post of yours (quote above) does maybe shed some insight.
When we face difficult times in our lives and it has impact on our relationships, it's quite natural to question what role the relationship is playing (potentially) in those difficulties. Now the truth may be that it's nothing coming from "inside" at all - but totally external. But it's also possible that the stress has forced some cracks to surface.
But it's not only unsurprising - but potentially very useful to take a look at that. Are there cracks ? Are there certain facades that have been surviving all along simply because things were just flowing smoothly ?
Good question to ask
Mono/poly makes no difference. Relationships DO get tested. They either pass - become stronger and grow and gain depth or the mask falls off and you have to endure the painful process of looking at some new & hard truths. Stuff that's been bubbling under the surface waiting for one of those cracks to appear.
I guess now is the time you may possibly get to find this out.
Don't be afraid. Nobody wants to live a lie - no matter how "smooth" it may seem.
You both love each other - make it a bonding project. The more fears you end up banishing the more wonderful what you have will be. The boggie man under the bed only goes away when you look and realize he was never there to start with. But if he is - maybe he'll be cute ?