Originally Posted by WhatNow
I am sorry you are in this situation. I understand you are open to your wife being poly because you care very much for her and want her to be happy. That is awesome. Just because she is poly and you are not, that's okay. Just noticed a lot of people criticizing your relationship, that's not helpful at all. Have you and your wife had a direct talk about whether she wants to have sex with him even with the herpes? It only sounded like an assumption.
THANK YOU! Since my post was not about the relationship side of it, I left out details and many jumped to assumptions. It's ok. It didn't bother me.
Now, I got clearer as to the exact infections.
We're talking HSV-1 and HPV (from genital warts, removed a few years back)
We decided on NO oral or penetration and NO rubbing of parts "down there."
I am getting tested for HSV-1 just because I hear it's so common. If I have it, then "great" I guess? No worrying for me. However, the guy is on drugs for cold sore outbreaks. I am "ok" with kissing( if no open sores or soon to be sores or shortly after sores...) cuddling... and manual stimulations. I think that's plenty enough anyways... you can have loads of fun with just that.
So, yeah... being HSV-1infection is way less of a chance (though not 100%) if there are no sores, I think we can take that risk. Especially since there will be no oral involved.
And with the HPV, we are totally trying to prevent that one too. She doesn't want genital warts either.
I guess this whole things has left me really amazed at the Poly community.
It seems as if he, his lovers... and people in many posts I've read here sort of just consider HPV and HSV as "part of the poly thing" that you'll get eventually. Which is why he failed to mention this until asked.
He just considered it all "manageable.".... (this is NOT everyone's opinion I have read, but it is a common way of looking at it I've noticed)
I mean, did he really think we'd want a case of genital warts? Really dude?
So... what about the potential sex partners who DO NOT want these STI's?
Folks, be transparent with your new lovers. Their husbands (or wives) would appreciate it.
How does this work at Poly meet ups and camps? Do people ask each other if they get cold sores or ever had genital warts before they engage in physical activity? Or again, is it just assumed we "probably all got it anyways, so what's the big deal?"
I wonder if this guy will reveal this to other potential partners since his chance of sex with my wife has vanished?