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Old 02-08-2014, 08:46 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by seakinganswers View Post
I get the feeling that most of it is just her lack of understanding of the lifestyle. How can I convince her that she should trust me more now than she ever has before? That this honestly should make her trust me more not less.
Trust you to what? Tell the truth? Stop having feelings for other people? Trust you not to break her heart by announcing every time you meet a new hottie in the office?

That by telling her these things we are creating an intimacy far superior to what most couples have.
That intimacy only comes if both people are on board. If one person is being dragged by their hair into an arrangement they're not comfortable with, it's guaranteed not to build any kind of intimacy.

Trust and intimacy aren't just about honesty and telling the truth. They're about feeling safe, having confidence that your partner won't do something that hurts you, that they'll honour the agreements and commitments they've made. Dropping the bomb that you're not monogamy-inclined breaks all of that, whether you intended it or not. It may be a burden off your shoulders to get that secret off your chest, but all you've done is thrown the burden onto her.

By the sounds of it, she will not agree to an open marriage. So you have two choices: suppress your poly inclinations and learn to be satisfied with monogamy, or end the marriage and begin a poly lifestyle. Staying married to her while remaining on the edge of poly is clearly hurting her and affecting her ability to trust you.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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