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Old 02-08-2014, 08:28 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,368

Originally Posted by SnowCrystal View Post
We were in a monogamous relationship. However he "broke up" with me due to the fact that I had some trust issues due to the fact he moved here (it was originally a long distance monogamous relationship) and it was taking him months to get a job. I started doubting he was even looking, and I went and checked my PC's browser history to see if he was looking. He got torn by this and dumped me.
And, what did you find? Was there any evidence that he's looking for a job?

I however am straight monogamous. I am fiercly loyal to whoever I am with, and I do not want anyone else mating with my lover / having sex with him or being with him romantically other than myself.
This is your answer. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is not monogamous. He is not monogamous. End of story.

I debated about just giving him up to her completely. However, apparently this is not "good enough" for him. He cannot accept being with just one of us as "we are both a part of him" and without both of us and not just one of us, he is only "half of himself. He also cannot accept "just being friends with me," and I feel stuck in a predicament that is basically doomed to fail.
So you tell him "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." His desire is not your obligation. He can want what he wants. He can feel sad if he doesn't get it. But none of that makes it your responsibility to give him what he wants and cure his depression. That's on him.

Honestly though I do not know where else to vent and just let out how I feel... if I try bringing it up at home to him I am told to stop being so territorial, or to accept that he loves both me and her.
More manipulation tactics. Expressing your feelings and needs is not being "territorial." It's communication -- the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

I was also asked to not bring it up until after we all "moved in together" but it is just not fair.
"Tut tut. Don't express yourself until it's too late to do anything about it, until you're in over your head and you're trapped and held captive. Then, if you try to do something about it, we'll tell you that you're being territorial and that you're hurting our feelings. Boo hoo. We're so helpless and sad and pathetic, you have to take care of us and forego your needs and wants just so we can live out this little fantasy of ours."

Yeah. Fuck that shit.

They are the only friends I really have right now, and I cannot move out of where I am at - I have nowhere to go.
Better to have no friends than to continue investing time and energy into two vampires who are sucking the life out of you. You can make new friends. Every moment you waste on these parasites is a moment you're not out there, finding people who will love and support you. These are not friends. They are wolves in sheep's clothing.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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