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Old 02-07-2014, 11:42 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,245

Originally Posted by SnowCrystal View Post
I debated about just giving him up to her completely. However, apparently this is not "good enough" for him. He cannot accept being with just one of us as "we are both a part of him" and without both of us and not just one of us, he is only "half of himself. He also cannot accept "just being friends with me," and I feel stuck in a predicament that is basically doomed to fail. When I brought it up to him he got extremely depressive. I do not want to see him cry so I kept on keeping it hidden. He also asked me to wait until all of us moved in together so we could "all discuss it."
Hugs, SnowCrystal,

I only quoted the above, but the whole thing seems horribly unbalanced. You are in an unfamiliar area, with no friends who aren't shared friends, which leaves you feeling dependent on the him for friendship. On top of that, you're feeling steamrolled into a relationship style you don't want because he won't take no for an answer, AND you're around him and his other GF both 24/7 and have no other outlet. Not to mention that he seems to hold a double standard around privacy and actually being allowed to have feelings.


I know you don't feel you have anywhere to go, but can you start looking for a place of your own? Some distance may make it easier to think a bit more clearly about all this. You need to feel like you're not at the mercy of their decisions, and need some leverage (and space... and friends!) of your own.

Hang in there...
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 15; and PokéGirl, 12), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly.
Xena: Chops' other nesting partner, Poly. Also in a relationship with Shaggy
Noa: Chops' other other partner (heh). Married, Poly.
Shaggy: Poly, in a relationship with Xena
Choplet: Chops' son

External mono/poly blog: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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