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Old 02-07-2014, 10:50 PM
SnowCrystal SnowCrystal is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 5
Default Please help - I need advice - I am mono, he is poly

Hey guys. I do not know where else to post this. I came across these forums when I was just googling stuff on monogamous+polygamous relationships just seeking advice and help. I am hoping I came to the right place where I can truly get unbiased opinions.

First of all I guess I should get to the point. I am "dating" someone who is poly. He has had strict monogamous relationships in the past but he has also had relationships in the past where he was poly.

We were in a monogamous relationship. However he "broke up" with me due to the fact that I had some trust issues due to the fact he moved here (it was originally a long distance monogamous relationship) and it was taking him months to get a job. I started doubting he was even looking, and I went and checked my PC's browser history to see if he was looking. He got torn by this and dumped me. But anyways onto the matter at hand...

I however am straight monogamous. I am fiercly loyal to whoever I am with, and I do not want anyone else mating with my lover / having sex with him or being with him romantically other than myself.

However, since we "broke up" we have still been romantically involved trying to "get back together" but there were countless times he rubbed it in my face we "broke up." He now wants to get back with me along with another woman. He won't settle for being with just me and her.

Due to all that has been going on, I have been feeling a great deal of depression, finding myself crying a lot since he has stated he wants to be in a relationship with me and another one of his exes. I just want one lover to myself - whether it was him or whomever I ended up with. I debated about just giving him up to her completely. However, apparently this is not "good enough" for him. He cannot accept being with just one of us as "we are both a part of him" and without both of us and not just one of us, he is only "half of himself. He also cannot accept "just being friends with me," and I feel stuck in a predicament that is basically doomed to fail. When I brought it up to him he got extremely depressive. I do not want to see him cry so I kept on keeping it hidden. He also asked me to wait until all of us moved in together so we could "all discuss it."

I should also add in that him, the other girl he wants a romantic relationship with, and with myself are all roommates. We all live together in the same apartment. The girl just moved here last week (we recently moved). Honestly though I do not know where else to vent and just let out how I feel... if I try bringing it up at home to him I am told to stop being so territorial, or to accept that he loves both me and her. I was also asked to not bring it up until after we all "moved in together" but it is just not fair. However there were countless times he asked me to block somebody online or call block them due to the fact that he was so territorial over me, which makes no sense.

I have felt numb, but there were a ton of times I just wanted to let it all out, and let out my hurt, frustration, and anger, but I have been keeping that part of me hidden for so long now that I feel numb inside....

I really need advice. I need help. I do not know where else to turn. I do not want to turn to my parents because they will try to pull me out of the situation I am in and ruin any chance I have of keeping any of them as friends. They are the only friends I really have right now, and I cannot move out of where I am at - I have nowhere to go. I gave up my apartment him and I were living in before to move in with them into our new place (it is a 2 br apartment with a den). I have no one else to turn to that does not know both him and I. I want unbiased advice. I do not want people putting me or him down. I just need some two cents from people that do not know him, and maybe can read my post for what it's worth and just throw in their two cents...

I want to talk to him about it, and honestly I would rather just be single again. I am single but not at the same time. We are "together" but not together. We are lovers but not "official" because he wants to be both with her and myself. We WERE together at one point but he dumped me because when he first moved here (we were in a long distance relationship) he sold a lot of stuff to come here, and has not had a job or anything. He said he was looking for a job but I would come home from work seeing him just playing video games, and I have dished out over 22k since he moved here towards rent, bills, going to see his family back where he moved from, etc. He would claim to be looking for jobs when I was away and it was his down time, but he never got calls from any places or anything except for once while he was there (for Giant). I went through the search history on my computer (which he mostly uses my desktop) just to see if he was looking. He dumped me due to "my lack of trust." Which is unfair because there were countless times he would grab my cell phone, or go through my messages on FB with other people when I accidentally left my account logged in. He said I had to earn his trust back but trust goes two ways, and there were tons of times he doubted me and did not trust me, and went through my stuff. Yet he dumped me for the same reason, which to me is him just being his own damn hypocrite...

I love him but am frustrated at all that is going on. Depressed, because I know I will be the one that causes the distrust between all of us. The other girl knows he loves both of us and is okay with the idea of all of us being together in a polygamous relationship. I am not. I am the one with the "problem" so to say. I am the one that is not okay with it..... and it has been putting a great weight on me between that and everything else. I am almost numb at this point with emotion, as I have cried alone countless nights. He would go and sleep with her in the same bed and I would go into another room to sleep and cry myself to sleep. I am so depressed and just numb from everything it is hard to feel anything anymore.... and I need help. I do not know where else to turn. My emotions have been restrained in side of me since. If I let it out, if I could, it would be just me balling into tears at work or somewhere else. I cannot let it out at work, at home, no where....

Last edited by SnowCrystal; 02-07-2014 at 11:20 PM.
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