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Old 04-08-2010, 02:57 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by SimpleSimian View Post

Why, in a mono/poly relationship, does the monogamous person have to be the one who changes? Why can't the polyamorous person be the one to confront polyamory within themselves and teach themselves to be happy with the idea of spending their life with only one partner, circular logic included?
Hi Simian,

As for flaming - no problem. It "seems" that most of the flamers have moved on to drier tinder - at least for the time being.

Now I can't be sure about your particular situation/dynamic but I think you would find VERY few poly minded people who expect ANYONE to "change" - except themselves. So I wonder if you are in one of those unique situations or maybe just misinterpreting something ?

I think there should be no debate about poly/mono etc. As other have alluded to, it's about relationships with others in general and what feels right - fit's each persons needs.

If there's any "change" being requested - it might just be that. That someone/everyone have a change in mindset to acknowledge and embrace the fact that what people need/desire in their life varies. And that if we love those people - truly love them, then we stand behind/beside them in their quest for happiness & fulfillment in their own lives.

Does that potentially conflict with "pairing" ? Absolutely.
There are cases where there is such an internal conflict with life views that it makes two people basically incompatible. And like a myriad of other things, if that's the case then the people should not force a togetherness. But no one should change their core beliefs unless they can see that new ones are actually a better replacement. In those cases they just need to acknowledge and respect each other, offer best wishes, and move on with their lives.

Originally Posted by SimpleSimian View Post
Does this stuff exist? Am I just missing it?
So if it doesn't "exist" - it's probably because it shouldn't. Because if it did, it would be about controlling and manipulating people to live in ways that conflict with their own beliefs and happiness.

And we just don't need more of that in the world.


Last edited by GroundedSpirit; 04-08-2010 at 03:40 PM.
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