Iíve been living with my GF and her other BF for almost 2 years now. Iíve been romantically involved and in a relationship with her for about 1 year. Her other BF has been with her for like 2. I love hanging out with the both of them in public and private, but Iím just never comfortable holding hands and being all lovey dovey and PDAing with her when the 3 of us are together. In private, when the 3 of us are at home alone, itís not as big of an issue (but still slightly awkward for me being that Iím relatively new to poly). In public though or with friends I just canít bring myself to kiss her or even hold her hand openly when weíre walking in the mall if I notice her also holding her other BFs hands or saw that she just kissed him.
I feel really bad that Iím this way because I really do love this girl more than Iíve loved anyone else, but she is starting to feel that Iím embarrassed or ashamed of her/her (our) lifestyle. I canít say I blame her for thinking that given how I behave. Maybe I am a little embarrassed or even ashamed. I hate that I feel this way and that Iím so awkward about it. Itís getting to the point where Iím beginning to think that poly probably isnít for me.
So questions. Do yall think Iím in the wrong here or is she trying too hard to make me behave in a way that Iím not comfortable with? Iíve been this way for about a year (the whole being secretive with people with the fact weíre in a poly relationship and uncomfortable with being affectionate in public when the 3 of us are together) so do you think this is something that will get better with time or does me being like this for a year now kind of mean that this is just how Iíll pretty much feel about being poly/pdaing forever?
For more context Iím fairly young and have absolutely zero problems being affectionate with her when only the two of us hangout in public/privateÖ.itís only when the 3 of us are together. And Iíve only previously been in monogamous relationships. Let me know what you think.