Poobah, you quite alarmed me with "my OSO has a fatal attraction (obsession) with me."
I am wondering, what is it about YOUR needs that you got so close with a person like this? Would you say you have a strong need for attention, admiration, flattery? Things that you may not be getting much of from your wife?
Is it possible that you have been in denial about toxic or frightening behavior from your OSO, because of needs you have that she is fulfilling? Is it possible that your wife has reasons to dislike your OSO that go beyond simple jealousy (and the fact that OSO enabled and participated in the initial, dishonest affair)?
Do you think your wife genuinely cares about her boyfriend, your OSO's husband? If so, she must be feeling pretty desperate if she is willing to dump him to get OSO out of your life. And move to another state. Pretty drastic moves, IMO. What is fueling her desperation here?
Female, married just about forever to Scout. My boyfriends are E. and C. Both are married, and C also has another lover, J.