First of all congrats, secondly dating style is all very personal. What I do, and how I am during a date may not be like you.
The gist of how dating works for me, you are hanging out with people in a more intimate way then general friends. A date isn't much different then hanginig out, you talk small talk, you enjoy or don't enjoy conversation, there is flirting... the big differentiator is the end goal. Like any relationship not all friends make good lovers.. not all lovers make good friends.
Keep an open mind, keep having discussions but don't overthink it like everyone here tends to. Let it happen and don't build a whole lot with expectations. Be respectful to her and your wife (and they need to do the same to you two)
Remember a triad is 4 relationships. Foster each one individually.. and your triad can thrive.. and don't expect an equilateral triangle either.. nothing is ever equal.. but things can be fair.
.. oh and ignore the unicorn natsayers..
its better for your stress level haha