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Old 04-08-2010, 07:04 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,683
Default Relationship theory

We talk around here a lot about how to be good partners and have good relationships. Nerdist reads a lot and I have always been interested in relationships and me in them. Last night we talked about how we seem to manage things a certain way and it seems to work for us. Mono and I talked about it too, but in all together a different way. Such is what I love about my relationships... same topic, different way of seeing it.

Some where along the line we went from being at each others throats Nerdist and I with our demands and self centered statements that always seemed to start with "you," to what Nerdist likes to call, "depositing positive energy into our emotional bank account." The whole idea being that one gives positive energy to the relationship as much as one can, when one can.

We learned a version of this in the communicating course that we took before we got married and have turned it all into our own way of being with each other and in our relationships. We are essentially our own best friends and then each others.

My way of seeing it is that I try to treat each person as if I were a guest in their lives but also a host. What I mean is that I am invited into their lives and should act like a guest as a result. To be welcomed in by anyone is an honour in my eyes. I should do my best to show them respect, compassion, honour them and have good manners in all senses. A guest also is interested in the person that has welcomed them in and is full of wonder. I should make sure that I give the person space to grow and learn for themselves.

I am also hosting them to my life and have welcomed them in too. I expect that I also will be honoured, respected, my things be respected, my home be respected (my body too), that I am shown compassion and good manners in terms of showing up for events, being careful to speak a certain way around my child, ask if I want to do such and such rather than assume, call me when you say you will, etc. All these things are what I value in other people and what I value for myself. I expect space to grow and learn for myself but also to hear others stories and opinions of what I do while keeping my integrity in tact as I would endeavor to keep theirs intact also. I want to be interesting and full of wonder for those in my life and always be a joy to be around... or at least loved and appreciated when I'm not. As I would want to give to them in the same way.

This to me is a deep level of being with others and profoundly powerful and leaves me in awe. Those that I relate to in this way become close to me for life it seems and those who don't I either relegate to "people I know" or don't have in my life at all.

I'm sure we all have ways of searching for those that fit our lives and those that search for us.
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