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Old 02-06-2014, 09:37 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,132

He even went as far as to say that he IS NOT trying to discourage my relationship with T
What makes you not believe him?

At the same time, T wants D to be involved with a partner of his own, and he has no "desire" to do so.
He's said he's not opposed, but hasn't come across anyone who stirs his fancy. What does him dating at this time at random do for her? He has to have a date to "prove" how ok he is to be in polyship? Baffling.

I feel like (think) D is submitting to the desire of T to be (in a) polyamorous (relationship).
Blue edits mine. I think that is what you mean. I could be wrong, so correct if you like.

What makes you think he is not participating here for himself and from a place of "joyful yes?" And more like he's being taken along for the ride? You said before he speaks his mind straight up. See?

he is a very cerebral individual and tends to process things very well. He is very articulate in his expressions and says exactly what is on his mind in a very clear and concise manner.
Could it be possible that you listening to T's anxiety or NRE la-la's and her expressing her want for him to date that is cranking you up?

Could ask him for clarification.

"Are you participating in this polyship because there is enjoyment in it for you? Or mainly you do it for T? How do you and I relating? As friends, or as polite metamours, but not esp friends?"

"I don't care about you or what you get out of this relationship, I'm only concerned that my wife get out of this relationship what she wants."
Could ask him for clarification.
"When you say (the above) do you mean... That at this time you know her better than me. So your main concern at this time is her well being? Over time, could you see yourself caring about my well being as well as one of the participants in this polyship? Do you care about your well being as a participant in this polyship? Do you expect all polyship participants to be interested in the well being of the other participants? To what extent? "
Could not get more involved here til your get all the clarification you need to feel safe in continuing deeper. (ex: get sexual, let the kids interact, etc)

Y'all are still sniffing each other out. T is not a poly-single. She's a poly-married and comes as part of a package. Before you make serious commitment here you could check out the rest of the package that's on offer here. If it does not suit, could negotiate or bow out.

You are in a transitional time here. It's appropriate to feel a little weird right now until "the new normal" BECOMES normal.

You are there. You are the best one to determine if this is normal turbulence or something else.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-06-2014 at 09:57 PM.
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