intro: extanded version
As I mentioned in my first post, I'm interested in polyamory but by having been brought up in a small village and in a main-stream manner, I have been protected from all possible wicked influences of people with unorthodox walks of life. As of consequence, any genuine intrest in such walks of life where continuously being smothered (by myself).
This, offcourse leaves me the question: if I so easily bend away from poly life (and continue to do so after shaking off other cultural restraints while becoming an adult); does it really reverberate that much inside of me? Or has being raised as I was in fact dulled my Libido (in the psychological sense of life-energy) with a lessening of libido (now sexual energy) as one of its results?
And related to these questions: is there such a thing as a poly-personality (but that, offcourse, is a very vague and generalising question)?
In my current relationship with the Lady, the topic has brushed the surface of our comfortable life 2 or 3 times: in the beginning, and then the subsequent times years apart.
When we got to know each other, we very fast spend lots of time together and it felt as if we already knew each other for 20 years at least. In the beginning we had great sex: very (by our own measure) experimental, with lots of daring outdoor-explorations, flirts with BDSM, to just name some examples. For me sex = experiment. For the Lady it rather was an intens and deep exploration of previously untraveled domains of het psyche, which more than once brought up heavy emotions and liberating teers, but once she felt that bucket had emptied, she more and more felt inclined to more tender forms of physicality. And with this we found the gap that exists between the two of us: I don't mind hugging and kissing, but as of yet, I have found no means to travers from there into the (for me) entirely different realm of sex. It is as if I get my sexual kick largely from a black'n'white approach; a sudden laps from one time-frame to the other, from day-to-day-chores to hot steaming "porn" (I associate the word "bedroom" not with "sex", but with "sleep", while my associations to "dinnertable" or "bathtub" or "parkbench" very easily become sexual).
Since the birth of our child, the Lady and I have been sexualy together about 5 times, that's once a year ... is this an indication against being poly? Does one have to be a sexual glutton to live poly instead of fantasize about it?
This last question transports me back to a previous relationship, which was in nearly all aspects of why people come close to each other rather meager, except for the sex we had: i t w a s a m a z i n g
I knew at the time she was not faithfull to me, but since we never talked about it (I'm not fond of confrontations and avoid them if possible), I found that I couldn't realy blame her. Two times a situation evolved that could grow into a threesome; one with a girl-friend (she had had frequent sex with before), which I blocked off by being tired (true) and going home, and one with a guy while we where on holiday, which I broke off because the "getting to know each other" phase needed too much time for my taste (which pissed her off, so we had a terrible evening afterwards). So two possible actualisations of my fantasies, and I was the one to stop them. (and as I type, I'm aware that having a threesome doesn't necesarliy say anything about polyamory)
an other, and as I'm starting to see more important issue, is communication: I'm a poor communicator (either by nature or by lack of practice) who above that needs vast landscapes of time for himself in a relationship (should I even have one, I tend to ask myself when this treath of my personality pops into cosciousness). And if one aspect makes a poly relationship workable, it is that: communication, not?
The question (or one of the questions) I have is whether the Lady and I overly protect each others feelings by muffling the enitre field of sexuality (with each other or with others), with a comfortable situation as reward?