Thanks everyone. I think JaneQ's assessment most closely matches my own at this point and I agreed with everything that she said. I do have a fear that they might fall into the "relationship is broken; add more people" category.
Additionally, on some of the other points...
I told him when I agreed to do this coffee chat with her that if she said anything odd or anything that I thought he needed to hear, that I would pause it and call him in. Right now, my plan is to focus solely on my intentions and thoughts and not comment on their relationship (which, yes, in my opinion includes some serious jealousy and trust issues - on both sides) and focus on my intent and to see if there is anything that I'm doing wrong. Once again, I think it's a bit of a waste of time (my honest opinion is that nothing is going to change for better or worse as a result) but it means a lot to him so I'm willing to do this.
I do believe that her problem stems from my relationship with him moving too fast for her liking as well as trust issues between the two of them.
Yes, I believe fully that he loves both of us.
Lastly, I'm totally unconcerned about her retaliating or using written stuff as evidence in a divorce. They're very much "out of the poly closet" and are on record using their real names on the internet while talking about being poly. Her other male partner even lives with them.
Last edited by CrowRaven7889; 02-06-2014 at 05:59 AM.