I know people use words differently, but in my words?
- You are monoamorous and do not want to be participate in a polyship shape relationship.
- Your wife is polyamorous and polysexual wants to participate in a polyship shape relationship that includes both love share and sex share.
I have no judgement at all about polyamory and what y'all are into. I get it on a mental level for sure. It makes a lot of sense. However, I'm just not interested in it, and I think one reason is that I don't want to have to worry about getting diseases from strangers. (being in this case, her "boyfriend" is a stranger to me)
Before even dealing with the guy's herpes... could you please clarify some things?
- Why are you agreeing to enter into a polyship shape with wife and this man if you yourself have no desire to be in a polyship shape?
- If you want to be free of that kind of worry, why are you entering into a relationship shape where that is part of the price of admission?
Seems like it would serve you wants better to tell wife "I am ok with you being polyamorous. But I do not want to participate in a polyship "V" with you as the hinge person and him and me as the "V arm" people where there is both love share and sex share. If you wish you participate in a polyship that way, it has to be without me. So before you do, we need to disband the marriage and be friends so I can step off before you go places I cannot go."
I am concerned that you are going along with this against
your own wants for sake of wife. Rather than for your own sake.