Originally Posted by dagypsy
It seems to me that in many cases, woman number one settles for what she gets. The man is off being in love and using cutesy names and spending more and more time with number two and meantime, the cherished woman number 1 sits at home, is jealous, fights back tears, and is hurt. This doesn't sound like a lifestyle. It's a man doing what he damned well pleases while trying to justify it to his wife. I just don't get it. I am leaning more toward giving up than working as part of a three man team. Woman number one does a lot of compromising and settling with what she gets. I don't get the feeling that these are balanced relationships. Many of these poor women are just holding on to a thread and it seems cruel to me that these husbands believe this a satisfactory arrangement for everyone. Reading these discussion boards is depressing me even more. I know he loves me but I am not enough anymore. It takes woman number two to make him feel masculine now. And when he gets tired of that woman, woman number three can't be far behind.
Wow honey-as you describe it, it's NOT a lifestyle. It's a mess.
But it isn't that way for all of us on the board. And it's not all men...
I'm definately all woman-and I'm poly. My husband-bless his soul found a way to give me 6 months of him trying to figure out how to live with me being poly-and my BF already lived with us as a roommate. It's been 6 months-and hubby's not leaving, we've learned so much about each other and are so happy together.
But even at that-it takes gentleness on all sides.
I haven't yet gone out overnight with BF, I don't know if I ever will. And when i say that-I don't sleep in his bedroom at night either. If Maca (hubby) is home, I'm in bed with him. He does occassionally work out of town and I have slept with my bf those nights-but that's not common.
I don't have sex with BF if Maca is home and NEVER EVER in our bed or our bathroom. That would be cruel. Most of the time I don't even kiss him in front of Maca and if I cuddle with him, it's generally both of them, one on each side.
But as I said-there are others who are mono on this board-who aren't the women, but are men. Mono is one for sure, and his girlfriend is poly, as is her husband.
YOUR situation very well may be...... unreasonable. But please-for the sake of those of us who do treat our spouses with love, commitment, understanding and care, please read through some of the posts that are on the general board so you can see that it's not a "guy taking advantage of girl" thing here. Some guys may use this as a way to take advantage, but there are a lot of men and women like myself who are not.