Even if you two never do actually get with other people, it's so nice to just admit you have attractions to others, isn't it? Hiding and feeling guilty about attractions to others when you are in a committed relationship adds SO much stress. I think even couples committed to monogamy would do well to be able to admit they have occasional attractions to others! We hold ourselves to such ridiculous ideals.
My recommendation to you and your wife is, go slow. It seems to me she is more motivated to explore relationships with others right now. One way to go is for you to remain only with her for now, to support her as she starts dating. Whether she wants to only have non-emotional hookups, or does find herself falling in love with another woman, that is up to her, and luck, and fate.
She needs to find a quality woman, or women, to date. You need to learn to navigate jealousy (since you didn't do too well with her first try). Might be easier at first if only she were dating, just to keep things simple for now.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
In a newish relationship with Steve, (34, poly)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years