I hope you can still see this reply, considering how old the thread is...
Hi, fellow sci-fi geek! (And I mean that in the nicest possible way.)
What's quite a story, my friend. You've dealt with some difficult issues amazingly well, it seems.
Interestingly, we see, to have some parallels, albeit out of order.
* I am much older than my legal husband (and our new partner). In fact, I'm 11 years older than A and almost 18 years older than C. A's parents freaked out at first (and I lost a job over it), but they are cool now that we've been happily together for so long. I'm really sorry to hear how awful LV's kids were, though.
* I grew-up in California in a town we jokingly called "Little Provo" and flirted with the idea of becoming LDS. Glad I didn't in the end, no offense. I also think that monogamy has a different set of connotations for LDS folks who have had to deal with the anti-polygamy mindset for so long. There's baggage there that others don't have.
* I lived in Tacoma, WA, for years. How are you liking it there? Is it easy to make friends?
* I used to be an active choral singer and was totally into that scene. A is also a classical bassoonist.
* And I live in NM now. Where did you used to live? (If you feel comfortable telling me that.) And do you miss it?
Best wishes to you!
Me: 40's, female, poly
A: 30's, male, my legal husband, poly
C: 20's, male, our life partner, poly
We live together as a family.