Originally Posted by nycindie
Well. If your boundaries are made clear to her, and she oversteps them, you don't just tolerate and endure it and then get mad at Bassman later. You need to speak up when it happens. And so does Bassman - why doesn't he look out for and defend the agreement he makes with you, in the moment? You could say, "Please stop that. I've asked that you not do that, and it makes me uncomfortable that you've ignored my request. If it happens again, I'm going home." And he can reiterate to her that this is a boundary he wants her to respect. She needs to know you mean business and that Bassman is in solidarity with you about it - when it happens, not a day or a week later.
If the situation is such that you wouldn't be able to actually speak up like that, agree on a secret signal with Bassman to let him know if you are uncomfortable or upset. Then he will know the line's been crossed and can take her aside to tell her to quit it.
NYC - oh I like that. Never even thought about that. A signal is an excellent idea. THANK YOU!