A lot has happened since my last post. Relationships are so hard to maintain when the other person doesnt want to. I was in a really good relationship for december with Adasan, and then january, no communication.
Then out of the blue he says he wants to end it.
I mean. I sort of see it coming but not really.
All I wanted was for him to open up to me and include him in his life and he didnt want to. He didnt want to invite me to meet his family. He didnt want me to meet his friends. He closed off and backed away.
I am glad I saw this sooner rather than later because, clearly he wasnt that into me.
So, now i'm left feeling sad. I mean I know it was the right thing to do, but I still cared a great deal for him and my heart hurts. I have learned a lot of lessons from this relationship...and now its time to move on. Maybe take some time out from starting realtionships, and focus on me and what poly is and making friends.
My heart just hurts. We had amazing experiences together and now we won't anymore.
I have talked to other people about the positives and spent all day talking about postives. But here in te middle of the night, I know that I wanted a normal healthy relationship and I chose another dud. Real relationships work on a steady foundation not just sex. I was his FWB not a girlfriend. And I am worth more than that. I know I am. I just hurt because now I've lost all that hope I invested in.
And time and energy. I just don't know if I can keep doing this. I think I need time to process this to grieve. So, I will. I'll just be with my emotions and grieve.
Being solo is HARD sometimes.