It's hard to say because I know so little of the situation, but, in general, I have found that ultimatums - or at least the sort of large-scale demands that your wife made - do not bode well for a relationship. To me, it sounds like a breech of love/trust/respect. Have you talked about this with your counselor? What does s/he say?
I don't have much to add, for everyone else has said it so well, but it sounds like counseling is totally the right thing. Perhaps you need to separate and look at this from a new perspective while continuing to see the counselor. But, most of all, it sounds like you need to concentrate on your son and what can be done for him. That might, at least, allow you and your wife to work together on something other that issues revolving around your OSOs.