First thanks to all who took the time to read and reply. Yes my wife is a bitch. It's her personality. She has gotten better.
To the person who asked if there was cheating involved. Sadly yes. It started with an emotional affair then become limited physically for 8 months. I am not proud of it but I had some nervous breakdown. I totally lost control and was not the person I wanted to be.
As for my preferred choice right now. It would be neither. However it's much more complicated than what I wrote originally. My OSO has a somewhat "fatal attraction" to me that has always effected me. ok not fatal but an unhealthy attraction. Almost obsessive. Second we are having major problems with my son who is dealing with a possible mental illness. I am not sure my own marriage could stand alone due to my sons problems and our inherit differences.
Thanks for listening. I have only recently found a determination in me to make a better life for myself. My kids come first but this unhealthy way of living is going to kill me at an early age.