Help! Poly gone wrong :( My Seemingly unsolvable problem.
I come here looking for advice mostly because other people would not be so understanding of the pitfalls or complexities of attempting to be poly. It has been 3 years since my story started and we serve as a very good example of how not to enter into and experience a poly relationship.
I have reached a breaking point where I need to make decisions in my life that will most likely require the complete overhaul of my life as I know it today.
My wife and I have been involved with another couple for close to 4 years. At this moment we are all back to being friends. It started with me having an emotional affair then she got on board with poly and off we went. Many ups and downs. I have struggled quite a lot. I am now at the point where my wife is asking me to remove my OSO from my life. Yes, she is willing to remove her OSO from her life as well.
Why? My wife has a hatred for my OSO. Now the two of them are totally different women. One intro-verted (wife) the other an extrovert. So naturally there would be some friction. Mistakes were made on both their parts. However none which I would deem worthy of such a hatred. In fact she has admitted to me that she has pretty much faked being friendly to her for 3 years!
Being the one stuck in the middle I have become increasingly frustrated to the point I don't want either of them in my life. Being single or anything else is far better than this emotional turmoil (push/pull) I have been going through. The problem is we have 3 children. My OSO has become my best friend..rather my only friend (hard making friends as a parent). Heck even my mother likes her. I am not sure erasing her from my life is something I could even do even if I tried. It would literally also break her heart. To my OSO I am the guy she was always looking for. She settled for a "nice" guy but then this. I am fairly certain that if I were to disappear it would ultimately mean the end of her marriage as well. I just don't see them working anything out.
Also for me, this experience has shown me what it would have been like had a chosen a more compatible life partner. I was young (18, married at 24) and we were both insecure children to be honest. It exposed many of the things that were missing in my life. In addition, my wife's behavior the past 3 years has really pushed me emotionally further away.
So this sums it up without going into a book of history. I just started seeing a therapist to help me make whatever decision I need to make to be happy. I've just been so unhappy I don't deserve this. I am a good person and father. Good husband? Outside my emotional affair my wife agrees I have bent over backwards to be a good husband.
I am very sad it's come to this. I do not see any solution to my problem other than removing myself from it entirely (divorce, whatever is required). I have accepted the fact there is no "right" answer. Only poor, good or better ones.
I would be interested in hearing anyones suggestions if you read this far. If you did I wholeheartedly appreciate you reading this. If you reply, well, I will toast to you every new years till my end! If you don't do either, you should. You may learn something.
Thank You for listening.