Can you break it down to what actions you want that you don't have? Instead of the comparison with the other person AND without the vague words "primary" and "secondary"?
There are whole threads of arguing where people are incapable of agreeing to a specific definition for "primary" and "secondary".
Some people who live together and share finances and beds and all of that-still consider themselves in hierarchy relationship dynamics.
Some people who live separate do not.
Much easier to drop those terms out and stick with the specific and concrete things you want and don't have.
"Love As Thou Wilt"