I am currently in a poly-relationship (of sorts) and have been for the past...six months or so. I say "of sorts" because I am in a relationship with J, who is married to C. C and I are friends and love each other in a friend-only sense, while J and I love each other in a relationship sense.
Lately, I've discovered that the closer I grow, emotionally, to J, the harder it is for me to accept my role as secondary in the triad. I've expressed this concern to J in an attempt to be open and honest (this is my very first experience with a poly-relationship) with him about the status of our relationship.
He claims that I am only a "secondary" in my own head, that there is no difference between OUR relationship and THEIR relationship. From a practical standpoint, I don't believe this because they share resources and time and physical space that J and I don't have (they live together and I am away from them while I'm finishing school).
Does anyone have any advice about how to express my concerns in a different way? I don't doubt that he views C and I as "equals" in terms of his love toward us, but in my mind, that does not necessarily mean we are actually "equals".
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated