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Old 01-31-2014, 11:58 AM
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Mya Mya is online now
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Okay, just after that last issue this post might seem a bit contradictory, and I guess it is a little bit. But feelings are not always logical.

So there is this guy I've mentioned briefly here, the one I had sex a while back and said I wouldn't mind doing that again. I'll give him a name: Noah. The back story is that Hank and Noah go way back, they've known each other for years and they've had and continue to have some sexual feelings towards each other. At every party (for over a year) where I've been with them, they've made out at some point. And recently me and Noah have also started doing that, kissing every time we see each other I mean. Yesterday me and Hank had Noah over for dinner. It was really nice, we had wine and a candle and everything. The three of us cuddled and kissed, it was really nice. He didn't stay over because it was a Thursday night and we had to get up early for work, but we're all going to the same party tonight, so Noah said that we should take advantage of the early hours of the party.

I really like the idea of that and am looking forward to the party. But - how does this relate to the thing I just said that I don't want a triad? Well, this thing isn't romantic per say, it's more friendly and sexual I think. Although who knows what goes on in every individual's head. But that's how I see it, we all like each other and find each other attractive, but I don't see this going much further than the occasional threesome and/or kissing and cuddling. As it is, I find it very enjoyable. Also, the fear of losing both of my partners that I already love is not present in this situation. Actually this whole thing is a good mental exercise for me even though it's not the same kind of situation, but there are some similarities.

I can see some things that wouldn't bother me about rory and Hank being together because they're fine in this me-Hank-Noah dynamic as well. I'm sure I'd enjoy the times we'd spend together all three of us, all talking and cuddling together. I think I'd enjoy also having threesomes sometimes.

So what has happened so far is that I've pretty much worked through these things:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mya View Post
- I'm already the one wanting company more than them. If they started dating, I'd be left alone more than I do now. Now if they're seeing someone else outside the three of us, most of the time I can still hang out with the other one.
The cure for that is to spend more time alone and learn to enjoy it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mya View Post
- I'm already sometimes struggling with some things with Hank, like time. If he would not give more time to me, but instead was giving it to rory, I fear I'd start resenting both of them for it.
Now that Hank started working normal hours instead of the intense course hours, I have more time with him and I'm much happier with that now. So I can't say I'm struggling with time with him anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mya View Post
- I value one-on-one time, I don't want us to hang out as a group all the time. I mean I enjoy that as well, but one-on-one is more important. I fear that if they were also in a relationship with each other, they would want to be together all three of us when they used to spend time with just me.
The more I've talked to both of them, the more I realise this isn't true. They do want one-on-one time with me, no matter what happens. We all value that, so why would this change if they got together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mya View Post
- I'd have to witness both of them being in NRE with each other but not with me.
- I fear in general that I'd be left out and they'd pay less attention to me, especially with NRE glasses on.
Well, this is something you can never know in advance, so it might happen or it might not. But I can trust the love both of them feel for me and just trust that they wouldn't forget about me even in NRE. This might still sting a little bit, but I'm sure it could be worked through.

But these things for the time being are still true for me:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mya View Post
- If there are three relationships, the chances of one of them breaking up are bigger. Especially now that we're planning on living together, that would just make things more complicated.
- I really really don't want a triad. I know it's a dream for many people but I've never wanted it. Never. And I still don't. Do I have to be a part of a triad if I don't want to? If my two partners decide it for me? Well I guess I'll always have the choice to leave if it feels too bad. But it just feels weird to me that they could make a decision to start a relationship that would influence me a lot more than any other relationship they would start outside this group, and they could just do that without asking me if I want to be a part of this arrangement. Things don't exist in a vacuum. I fear I would resent them both for dragging me into a triad I never wanted.
- Most important of all: I fear I would resent the whole situation so much that I ended up leaving it, and as a result would lose the two people that are the most precious to me, the people I love and want to share my life with. I'm crying as I'm typing right now. That's it, that's the ultimate fear.
Work in progress.

I feel like this me-Hank-Noah thing is actually helping me. Maybe I can have like a little taste of what an actual triad could be, even though that's not where the three of us are heading.

Interesting times.
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Me: bi woman in my 30's
Casually dating Marco and Noel
Living with Dahlia and Eddie (friends)

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