The desire for privacy is not the same thing as "hiding something." It's the same argument people use to justify government surveillance (local and national). No thanks.
Just because I have nothing to hide doesn't mean I want my private conversations or thoughts or moments to be an open book to anyone. And what of her conversations with others? What of that person's privacy?
It's not jealousy either; It's a feeling that something close to me is being violated, and I won't agree to that. Ask me? Yes, sure. Just go in and do it? Nope. And a very big "nope" at that.
Now, if she agreed to that and she's finding she doesn't like it? It's time to reevaluate your agreements.
As for not wanting to wake up her husband to spend time with him? I don't know. Sounds like a discussion between her and her husband needs to happen (and since it's impacting you, then between you and the appropriate person).
Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).
Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk