I am heading to my first Poly meet up on the 4th.
I am excited to talk to like minded people on a subject i've been curious about for a long time. I've only practised poly in a sexual sense once, and although it didn't turn into any long term relationships, I have not decided yet if I am truly poly, or monogamous.(sexually) As I already know emotionally and mentally I am. I think I am sitting on the fence on this one. A lot of my reticence is the weighing of pros and cons on hypothetical situations that may or may not occur in mono or poly, so its difficult to look at it objectively! The only way to know for sure really is to try and practice. Also I didn't know until this blog what I wanted out of one relationship, none the less more, and also I am learning still what exactly I'm looking for in poly relationships. WHY do I want a poly relationship etc. More on that later.
I told Adasan about going up to the Poly meetup on the 4th. He is totally cool with it, and wants to know how it goes. I'm personally way excited, as I don't know why I've put this off for so long...was it really just a fear of being known that I was poly?
I spoke to Honour last night about all my Poly ideals, she feels I will ruin what I have with Adasan by exploring this, but what she doesn't understand, is that I am more authentically being me now than I have ever been in my past, in a healthy and positive ways. I am so excited each day to wake up and be in my own skin and life! There's a bit of biochemical element to this too. After doing the paleo diet this week, I have noticed I have not needed my anti-depressants for pain in my body (As I was using that for help with M.E. not for depression etc.) It was weird for me. I don't know if I should inform my doctor and go off the drugs, or not, I took them today anyway, but it did the opposite of help, it made me fell rather ill. I'm wondering if my M.E. was a symptom of problems in my diet that would go undetected from a medical doctors point of view as they know very little to do with diet and nutrition.
It was really nice to open up to her, its the first person besides my X and M who I spoke to about this, and Adasan. But the problem is X and M I didn't know that poly existed and when I did I dint know how to articulate what I needed. I still find it hard to verbalise what I want sometimes. It's like so much feelings and thoughts are going on at the same time I need more time and space to process them all before I act on them. (even conversations).
God I missed connecting mentally and emotionally with Adasan, now that his finals are almost behind him, he's more himself and our conversations are flowing again. Thank goodness, it was just stress.
But I do find his views challenging and interesting, and I enjoy debating with him!
Now I can't wait to see what he thinks of the poly thing???
I can see interesting conversations coming up soon! My little baby steps into the poly world are starting to happen yay!