Originally Posted by Cleo
Last week he told me he's thinking about dating a woman he connected with on OKC, they knew each other years ago and always had a crush on each other. He wanted to ask me how I felt about it? I got the feeling he was being really considerate. That I am important to him and that he does not want to hurt me. BUT. It was like I was thrown into a time warp. Am I really going to go down this road again? Guy meets other girl, she's single, he has mono tendencies, wants her to be his primary? Is it my stupidity that has landed me in the same situation? Or is the situation actually not the same at all and am I just triggered by similarities?
Did you talk with him about all the above or just the "feeling he was being considerate" part? Just asking, because it's unclear to me from the above. If you did, then that's all you can really do right now is to try to work on trusting him to be someone different than C was.
I've had issues with that in different ways - at one point, I white-lied/obscured the truth about something stupid with P (told him a vagary about a plan I had with a friend) because I didn't want to be judged for it like I would have been by my ex-husband. It was an avoidance behavior, based on my ex's behavior, and I never gave P a chance to react in his own way. I got called out for it, which helped me recognize it, thankfully.
C's behavior still stings, so you may need to continue to talk with Brig and get reassurance that he's not C. If he's asking how you feel, it seems that he's already amenable to doing that, which is a great sign.
Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).
Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk