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Old 04-07-2010, 08:39 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by SimpleSimian View Post
Why, in a mono/poly relationship, does the monogamous person have to be the one who changes? Why can't the polyamorous person be the one to confront polyamory within themselves and teach themselves to be happy with the idea of spending their life with only one partner, circular logic included?
Not to split hairs, but you can still be monogamous to your partner while your partner is poly. I understand what you are asking. And I don't have an answer. I would be willing to bet lots of people that are poly due quell those feelings. More so than accept them.

Just because I ask this question does not mean I'm supportive of the view, I'm just curious. I haven't seen any literature or any discussion anywhere about poly people learning to be monogamous; solely the converse. I see so much self-help literature and so many guides and instructions and stories about mono people learning to either accept poly and be okay with it, or become poly themselves...but I see nothing describing how to help a poly person become monogamous. Other than, you know, the usual brainwashing crap spread about by religious-right people and other crazies.
Go through the forums, find poly people who have had failed relationships and see how many say poly wasn't worth it, or they can't do it again (I know on another site I can go through the archives and find a lot)

Does this stuff exist? Am I just missing it? Also, why does it not seem like anyone who's poly is willing to make the change? Why does it seem like everyone expects the mono people to change or gtfo? Why don't mono people get to feel insulted or attacked or have a support group to come to their rescue?

I just find that kind of unfair that there aren't two balanced sides to this coin. Or at least I can't find the other side.

Please satisfy my curiosity. I'm not trying to start a flame war, and I am, in fact, mono trying to adjust to poly, for the sake of enjoying my future with my intended. I don't actually think it's unfair that I have to change and my intended does not, though the idea does come up when I'm in my lower spots during this paradigm-shift.

Thank you.
ummm...I am not sure if I will go against the grain here, but I don't have an answer. You are correct.

However, if you consider the source of your information, everyone here is poly...most are currently in poly relationships...they see it work and try to help others so THEIR point of view is that of poly...

Take your EXACT problem to a monoscentric love site, I would bet you would get the other coin. People telling you to get her to change, people saying get divorced etc.

Last edited by Ariakas; 04-07-2010 at 09:08 PM. Reason: wording
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