I lurk too. =o) This is the most I've ever written on the board at all.
I can tell you, IL2M, that it's extremely frustrating on this end as well. Concepts that make total sense to me and things I would expect of anyone that said they were really in love woth someone, are very difficult for me to apply to myself. Reason...? I am trying to figure that out. I suppose it's different for everyone.
You're right, your fiance and I sound identical, but how we got there might be totally different. I am ADD, and much of my forgetfulness and procrastination is involved with that. So I take Adderol to tone it down a bit, to keep the thoughts in my head on an even lever, enough so that I can keep track and think clearer. But the meds only HELP me with doing that. They don't do it FOR me. I still have to put things into practice. I still have to make/ break habits.
It's not that you aren't important to him, per se'. It's that his priorities are all over the place. Well, MAYBE. It's that way for me. LR IS a priority for me, and pleasing her and doing for her is something VERY important for me to ensure and do. BUT, I ought to know her well enough that I don't have to be told, or asked to do certian things. I especially shouldn't have to be told or asked a SECOND time. (as we tell children).
So what I'm working on now is: realizing how important I actually am to her and asking myself if I'm willing to accept that. It's easy for some to put themselves mentally in anothers shoes, especially when it's OTHER soeone's that don't pertain to them. But it's also difficult for those same people to do that when the situation involves THEM, or pertains to THEM.
For example: I can see the POV between you/ your fiance'. I can relate to both sides. But even being the same situation, it's difficult for me to be in LR's shoes and see ME as she does. And that is one reason we're having this difficult time. I really need to make it a habit and force myself to see HER side and feel how SHE'S feeling. We are very simillar, but there are things that are important to her that really are not to me and vice versa, but at least she pays attention to what is/ isn't to me and plays on that knowlege. That is something I need to do, because that is what an S/O does. ESPECIALLY an S/O. A common friend should do that sa well.
Anyway, more later, gotta go to work! =o)
It's all about priority
"...I can't live, I can't breathe unless you do this with me..."
"...Am I a part of the cure, or am I part of the disease...?"