I got the book as a valentine's day present for my fiance... He has yet to read it. I haven't read it yet either because I'm waiting for him to.
LR I really get your way of thinking and I know you are thinking of him when you contemplate this change. Whether he sees it as such is a different story. My fiance and I haven't made it through this yet. He still has this struggle that I can't wrap my head around. With us it HAS gone on too long. Last week was the end of my rope. I was barely functioning besides yelling or crying when he was in my presence. If I would have thought about your idea I would have ran with it.
The problem is I stopped voicing my needs and told him I wanted to know what he wants from our relationship. What HE wants his role in my life to be. I needed to know and I wanted complete honesty. He wants a primary role. He wants "to be the man", to support me, to be a pillar of strength, to be my soft place to land, to follow through. The problem is... (for me) it's not an instant fix. I still have to deal with how things are now because before he can be that man he wants to be he's got to learn how to do those things. The things on his list aren't difficult (for me) but he struggles. There is something blocking his ability. This wall... I feel I MUST know what it is. More than that he has no answer. So More than I need to know, HE needs to know what his preventing him from getting to point A to point B. It would be much easier to place him in a role that he wouldn't struggle in. It creates such chaos, but it's not what he wants for himself. So I sit and wait while he tries to figure it out and I try not to go into a tail spin everytime he "fails". We've gotten far enough now that he sees the hurt from his actions, but he hasn't quite stopped those actions. It's all a blur and sometimes I just want to scream (and I have unfortunately) IF YOU WANT IT SO BAD JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY!!!
I'd really like to understand. I relate myself to a cameleon. I am what my environment needs me to be. I can morph from one role to the next instantly so I don't get where the difficulty comes from. I would like to know, but my fiance is just as confused about the struggle as I am.
Right now, we are talking when I am emotionally strong enough to. taking insy weensy steps because I'm a lit fuse these days. I need time to heal from all of this but we still have to try to function as a family. but if we have any break throughs, I'll share them with you. if you have some I know you'll share x) we are supposed to have a convo tonight after if it's not too late I'm going to tell him about this thread. it would be nice if he would sign up and maybe put in his two cents on this. But lurking is all I expect.