Originally Posted by fuchka
Mya - Some similarities between this and my recent experiences. I totally understand why you'd feel driven to processing this boundary now. It's emotionally "come up" for you, even though it's not reality. Seems like you'd be bothered by it, if you didn't feel and think it through right now.
I guess one benefit of the lack of urgency (cos it's not happening right now) is you can take it slower. You don't have to figure it all out at once. Some people would have a tendency to put it off, until they "had to" processes it. You don't seem like one of those people. So, yes, remember you do have breathing space.
Thanks a lot for your comment, fuchka.
Yes, I'm glad I have time and breathing space to deal with this now.
Actually, I already feel somewhat better about it. It felt really important that both rory and Hank seemed to understand the gravity of my feelings. That made it so much easier to start dealing with it. They've been full of empathy even though my feelings are in a way quite unfair. That is a good place to start working on them: feeling understood and not pressured.
During processing this I realised that I have a problem with being alone. That's evident even looking at the list of reasons I posted earlier. I need to be better at spending time alone. So I'm going for a weekend trip alone in a couple of weeks. I've never done that before. I need to learn how to be comfortable being alone with my thoughts. I also need to get back to meditation. I did it for a long time, but then I stopped doing it for some reason. Now the results are showing. I felt way better within myself back when I was actively meditating.
So, self-improvement is again the way to go. Understanding and compassionate partners help a lot though.
Me: bi female in my 30's
Partners: Hank, Dahlia and Fay
Metamours: Eddie (Dahlia's long-term partner)
Living with Hank, Dahlia, Eddie and rory (my ex/friend)