We met up at a nearby train station then made our way to the hotel. It shifted from the worst day to the best night. Warm food and warm company as well as getting away from the stress helped us both. Healed us both.
We have paced ourselves up until this point. We met in person after Christmas 2013. A few weeks online, phone, and skype sessions before hand. We went to musuems, ice skating, coffee, dinner, parks, nature, many many things...
We touched and teased, but didn't go further. Our first kiss was after several dates. Our first fuck later still...I could no longer stand the hours of teasing, of a low simmer that burned high. My pheromones are in full swing for this guy. Adasan is a professional body builder, and also a massage therapist with female marker genes, so instead of being buff in a large and manly way, he's buff in a swimmer/dancer manly way with all smooth clean lines and not an ounce of fat. He has long piano/guitar hands, and gorgeous features. I steal looks at him across tables, and we deliberately get close without touch, then brush up against each other accidently (on purpose) stroking in public, that then builds up to something more in private.
It's a delicious heady combination.
Combining these incredibly lustful moments, is this quietness and stillness he exudes, like a Rock against the ocean, being battered with many elements he still stands there, telling me, "Curious Star, you're ok, i'm ok, we're ok." How can you not fall for someone like that?? Have we had deep intellectual conversations in person yet? No, Not yet, but on the phone we have. And we are working on letting the walls fall naturally. There is no rush here, no hurry, we schedule dates around our very busy lives, as he is finishing his degree and starting a business this year, and I am in my second year of business myself in art and still privately studying.
I juggle many hats, as does he, and his level of autonomy is really appealing. We are intense with each other in the moment, and also able to sit quietly and just be, we speak with our hands, both of us artists of our own craft- we mould each other with hands like a sculptor...I've never been so tenderly touched before, nor ravished. We communicate much more easily with hands than our voices in person and right now it is uncomplicated. He trusts me completely and I him. When his exams are done, I will speak to him about polyamory, and in the mean time I will text him to let him know I will be meeting up with these people, and perhaps his own curiosity will allow for dialogue to flow naturally.
When we got to the hotel, it was like, we were two strangers instead of people who had been on many dates, he was comfortable undressing and asked if I wanted a shower, but for me there was this sense of re getting to know him, as if we were a long distant relationship, rather than present in the here and now. But that quickly dissolved as we showered together, which was very romantic.
We fucked, and made love, most of the night. Sometime early in the morning He put his head on my chest for an hour and listened to the beat of my heart. Previously he had opened up to me about something that seemed to him to be a big problem, and I explained to him that he just hadn't been with the right person, and that it was in his head, not his body that had the problem and when he let those things go, everything would flow naturally. And it did. And I am grateful for that truely, I have had some amazing experiences with this man so far in terms of my PTSD, (which is never triggered with him at all!) and childhood abuse.
He spoke about opening his business in america, as I am well travelled and I have spoken in the past of my desire to live in both countries that I am establishing myself here first, and then working over there too.(I am a dual national as are my kids) I can see his desire to be with me, though we have not yet said we love each other, we say it in many more ways, and when we are ready, it will be natural and right. Right now I am still trying to figure out what goes on in his head. We can read each other's body's like books, but the way we think and the way we relate are very different. He brings out the calm, and the sensual in me, and I find myself relaxing into him, into this relationship in a way I never have in the past, even with Rogue.
I also find myself pushing myself to be better, because we play off each other in very positive ways. This to me is a hallmark of a good healthy relationship.
I spent time drawing him, although I don't think of him as a muse for me, I am definitely interested in drawing him nude sometime, and he has offered to pose for me. I find drawing my lover very erotic and sensual and wonderful way of connecting with out words. I gave him the sketch I did, and he enjoyed that gift :-)
We discussed business which we have in common and marketing tactics, places to learn and build up clients and business friends...we talked about many things, just not anything to do with emotions yet. He is very closed off with emotions verbally so if I want to know something from him I have to be very direct and blunt. Where as I am very emotional and freely express them, but I also know how to reign them in, and control them. I kind of imagine him a bit like Spock in the emotional way. Lol. And I crave the talking of emotions and how he feels and what he thinks. I do think eventually I can tease these things out of him, I definitely can sexually
And that has its own rewards. But I want to hear it. I want to hear him tell me he loves me. I want to say it back.
We haven't set a date for the next date, one more week of exams for him and he just wants to get through those, so getting rid of stress and enjoying each other will be the main theme for a little while as we both ride the waves of life,(and each other ha!) and come to a calmer place to talk of these things.
I may even invite him to a poly meeting as a date. That could be very fun, and what he may be reserved in asking alone with me, he may ask in a group setting...It's worth a conversation in asking.
I am proud to be his girlfriend, and I asked him if he was upset that we were not doing a three-some with the friend, and he said he had honestly forgot about it. I said, that's good you're not worrying about it. I think deep down he's monogamous, and I'm not sure how he'll react to my wanting to be polyamory because originally I told him I didn't want to be and I chose to be monogamous, but that was before him, before the possibility of a threesome, before I realised, yeah, I'm ok, I'm ok with me. I've had a huge shift in who I am in the 6 months in terms of being ok with myself and moving on from anger and the past into a place of positivity and healing. I am much more open and honest now in all areas of my life. But most especially I am more open and honest with myself, because I no longer place myself in the eye of what society expects of me and judge myself based on those preconceived ideas, that shift and change depending where I live. Now I base myself on what feels right and good and positive in my life for me now.
It's a bit more complicated navigating these waters as a single mother, but it's still interesting and fun, and its amazing to me to meet the wonderful positive people in my life, and as I expand I have been attracting more healthy people my way, including a woman on the playground asking me to go out with her family to a playdate, which hasn't happened in a while, normally i initiate that sort of stuff, and organise things, so i'm pleased that I might be on the start of making a new friendship!
I texted Adasan asking him directly and bluntly how he felt for me, and saying I cared a great deal for him. He texted back saying that he cared for me too and he would think on it seriously after finals were over.
I was so shocked, and had been holding my breath for a rejection, that I didnt even know how to repsond and I must have seemed very cold after that haha, because I texted saying, thanks for telling me and I'm going to bed to process that. And I did I went to bed processing that, now my heart has room to accept he cares for me and it gives me this big huge warm feeling inside. This slow gentle glide into loving him is so easy, but it still takes my breath away with how lucky I am. He is such an amazing guy.
Last night during texts, I also told him I had went shopping after our date and started the lifestyle shift towards paleo, because of my own health problems, he was the 3rd person to suggest it to me i nthe last 4 months, and I had been dragging my heals, but honestly its been the best thing ever! So he sent me all these e-books he has on Paleo, and a lot of information on it for me to read, isnt that sweet?
He really likes to look out for me. I really feel like I'm moving into my own stride for life, and what I want out of life, it's so exciting!