Originally Posted by GreenGecko
But what I don't do is make that particular thing important to ME.
Therein lies the problem and it's good that you recognize it. That's the start of changing it.
Tech doesn't to this well either. And really struggles to even see the need. One of our worst arguments was over this.
Here's my take on it....he will never, on his own, believe everything I feel is important to be so (that's the nature of being individuals). However, if I consider something important I feel it should be of some importance to him. Simply because he loves me
I'll use your example of the bag of clothes. Suppose Tech told me he was going to get that bag of clothes out of the house. I seriously doubt he would find that important on his list to do but, because I do, he told me he would do it. This would make me feel loved and that what mattered to me was important to him. That he is interested in my wants and needs enough to provide them if possible.
Now suppose that Tech did not get the bag out as he said he would. How do you think I feel now? I feel that I was wrong and he isn't interested in providing my wants and needs when he can. That if something isn't important to him that's how it is...regardless of how I feel about it. Do I feel loved and wanted? No. Do I feel as if I have to force him to do something he promised to do? Yes. Will I ask again? I'd probably give him another chance,yes. But repeated incidences of him not keeping his promises or failing to follow through will most definitely have an affect on our relationship.
There comes a point, and I've been there, when I will wonder whyhe is even saying he loves me. What does he really want from this relationship? What is he willing to do for it? Why is he even here? He told me he wanted this or this in the beginning but his actions do not match his words. Me, well I'm going to believe the actions. They speak louder to me.
Tech and I have different love languages (Gator and I do as well). Everyone needs to figure out what theirs and their partners love language is. And speak to them with that. Not our own as most people have a tendancy to do. Have you heard of the five love languages? They are 1)words of affirmation-that's Tech's 2)quality time-this is mine 3)receiving gifts-this is one of Kitten's 4) acts of service-th other of Kitten's and 5) physical touch-Gator leans heavily towards this. Now all of us will have more than one but generally one will be the more prevelant one. My second one is acts of service but I absolutely love it when one or the other of them ask for a date. Time for just us no matter what we do.
Let those you love know they are important to you. Know what is important to them and follow through with acting upon the things that let them know you love them.