It may seem daunting now, but if you really want to make the changes needed to maintain the relationship you have with your wife, while understanding how that has to expand, then the changes will come.
You may suffer with pain, exhaustion, tension...experience joy, love and acceptance (all in one day btw) but you can relearn what you think you know. It was a violent lesson for me, moving from FWB threesomes to loving someone beside my wife to realizing the why, how etc.
With how open you are to yourself, you also seem introspective...I don't think it will take 5 years.
...might I recommend writing a log or a journal to view your feelings. Share the journal with who might be able to help. Journaling helped me a lot. It still took 6 months to come to this point but it can happen.
One thing that can help the totally lost in space feeling you are getting. Friends, ideally ones who understand. Maybe join a poly group or hit up OKC for poly friendly people to talk to in your area. This web thing is just dandy, but in your face communication with people who are your friends does wonders. You have put your whole life (dare I say existence) in one basket...diversify, every human needs more than one interaction.
...gotta love the curveballs of life.