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Old 01-24-2014, 11:26 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi hellokitty,

It is paramount at this time that you decide whether you are venting, or giving voice to the cry of every part of your heart, body, mind, and soul. If venting, then acknowledge that this is a difficult time for you and your girlfriend, but that it's worth enduring the ick so that the two of you can find some common ground and live in peace on that ground. But if it's more than venting, then it looks like you're preparing to ride this runaway train until it crashes. I'm not sure I'd recommend that.

Re (from hellokitty):
Quote:
"I love her so much and everything else in our relationship is wonderful, happy, perfect."
Is this the truth, and if it is, then why are you focusing so much on the negative? If it's not the truth, then why are you trying to defend an excuse for riding along with the status quo? Either way, I am hearing a cognitive dissonance in the quoted statement.

Perhaps a pro/con sheet would help, describing what you get out of staying with your girlfriend and trying to get along with her, as well as what doing so costs you, and then another pro/con sheet describing what breaking up with her would cost you, what benefits it would make possible, and whether that's worth it?

It seems to me that you're probably still venting and not at all ready to break up with this woman whom you love. But it is hard for me to hear the venting, and know that what you really want me to hear is that, "But this is such a wonderful relationship she and I have; please help me feel better about staying with her!"

The best I can do along those lines is to point out that she does have respect for your autonomy. By the way, does she want to break up?

Honestly? What I'm seeing is that you and she both want to stay together -- but also that each of you also wants (and believes that) the other to/will change. And I kind of doubt either of you is going to change. So what lies in your future? Let's say you two stay together. What will your life together look like in ten years? in fifty? Since you are closer than any of us to the situation, only you can possibly hope to objectively answer that question.
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