Look, you are working yourself up. It's not FUN to feel, but take all evaluations and feelings out of it. Focus on behaviors. Try it on in your head.
HYPOTHETICAL BEHAVIOR: YOU BREAK UP WITH HER.
- She wants to stop fighting.
- You want to stop fighting.
Yep, breaking up solves that.
- She is willing for you to date and deal with it as it comes.
- You tried that approach, did not like it, are not willing to CONTINUE taking that approach.
Yep, breaking up at this time solves all that.
- You want to be free of dadt .
Yep. Breaking up at this time solves that.
- You don't want to give up loving her at this time.
Breaking up does not affect that. You can keep on loving her as her ex. Not in the same way as her GF, but you can love her. Nothing and nobody is stopping you from carrying love in your heart for her.
Hard as it is? So the suckage can END for all of you? Break up. Do what needs doing to free all of you from circles.
Step OFF the merry go round. The price of admission? Emotional courage. Man up and go for it. Be willing to be sad, be willing to heal, and then be willing to feel better.
You will all be ok in the end, honest.
This DADT stuff makes me feel like shit. I feel like a liar and a cheater which I DESPISE. Thats not me. That's not who I am or what I believe in. Wtf??? How did I get here???? What am I doing??? I feel so fucked...!!!! ;(
You got here because feelings ensue after behavior. You chose behavior that did not agree with maintaining your spiritual health. Keep choosing it. When people do that, it is hard for them to feel proud of themselves for dinging their own spirit.
You could choose to re-align your behavior with what you do believe in -- so you can return to right relationship with yourself. Then you can feel better in spirit over time.
No judgement here. I mean that kindly.
But I see you continuing this way round and round when you could just... STOP. Even you see it and seem tired of the going in circles.
It really is that easy to not be eroding your spirit. STOP. Surrender, no more effort made. Just... stopping.
Could tell her you love her, you always will, but this is going in circles.... Grinding people down. So let's just STOP. Let's let it go. Let go of all the arguing and fighting and all that. Just.... stop.
Then you both can move on to the business of healing.
That is my suggestion to you. Just... stop. What could you need from you or her to become ok with the idea stopping?