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Old 01-24-2014, 12:17 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,477

When you say
"I want to do this w/you because I know you enjoy it and knowing you're having a good time is enough for me to be happy"
are you able to see how that could read like

" I don't love doing this. I do this thing I dislike for you anyway"
to him? That might make YOU feel happy. But that doesn't mean participating in that way makes HIM happy. Nobody wants to feel like an obligation, a chore, a burden, or beholden. Kind of a turn off!

You keep saying you want him to share his interests with you. But you don't actually share the interest! He knows it. So it is impossible for both of you to share an interest that you have no interest in.

How about adjusting your vocab and ask him about his interests?

"I want to be able to ask you about your interests, and would love to hear you talk to me about how you feel about (insert hobby)"
That's more what you are after right?

Even better... go deeper. Why do you want to hear him talk? What need would that fulfill for you? Are you able to articulate what your need IS?
What word(s) would you pick from a need inventory list to answer that?

I'm going to guess your need is to feel closeness with your spouse and to know your spouse. (I could guess wrong.) But I think part of the problem could be learning to articulate your needs to him in words he understands.

How about not getting sucked into that circle conversation by changing how you ask the question? That way of asking has not been successful for you in the past anyway. So could change your way of asking and articulate your need more clearly.
"I love and miss you. I need closeness. Could you be willing to go out on a date with me so we can reconnect by chatting, sharing time together, and be close again?"
1) Ask if he wants to go on a date with you. Get his willingness first.
2) Ask what day looks good. Get his time frame down next.
3) THEN figure out what you both want to do together that you BOTH like on the date. Do you guys KNOW what you both like to do?

Maybe that approach could serve you better?

I'm hoping changing your approach yields results you like better. He jokes about finding someone "exactly like you" so he does indeed like you! Just having communication challenges maybe?


Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-24-2014 at 03:44 AM.
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