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Old 01-23-2014, 01:50 PM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
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Tuesday B called me because the weather was awful and his work had closed. I went over and had a fun afternoon hanging out with him. He has a lot of stressors right now and he wanted someone to talk them through with, so I gave him that outlet. Poor guy. I really like B a lot and enjoy time with him whenever he can get me into his schedule. I messaged him this morning about maybe getting together tonight.

I ended up seeing J on Tuesday night instead of tonight, as we had scheduled. He joked that he thought I needed a harem. Sigh. Lately it feels like that is what I am building. That said, he had his STD tests scheduled yesterday morning. I was pretty shocked at how he needed no prompting or reminders that this is a requirement for me - he actually made the appointment after our first date! That makes me feel awesome. We have a tentative date to go out again - Saturday night.

Anyway, I met his roommate on Tuesday and we talked for several hours, not realizing how terrible the weather had gotten in the meantime. We headed out for dinner around 9:30, and every single restaurant in town had closed because of the icy conditions. We did find this really fancy bar that was open, eventually, and it was $1 burger night! Bad news that we found out at the end of the evening was that they charge an insane price for drinks and our bill was astronomical. My strawberry margarita was $10! We had good conversation though, and I had to laugh because we couldn't identify most of the music playing in the bar, but out of nowhere he was like, hey! I think that is Ke$ha, isn't it? I teased him all night because it WAS Ke$ha. ("Timber" by Pitbull) why should he know that?!

Some quirks of his were evident on Tuesday night and a couple of them had me pause. We will see where this goes.

Yesterday afternoon I was cleaning out my OKC inbox and I found a series of messages I had forgotten about and overlooked. Really good looking guy, funny, charming - asking me out to dinner or hiking. I was like, oh shit, I just never responded. We had had good conversations up to that point, so I couldn't see why I hadn't gone out with him. I flipped back through and noticed he had actually visited my profile again that very same day, so of course I emailed him immediately and apologized. We ended up meeting for dinner and drinks last night. We closed down the bar!

I think I put on a very good first date face and come across as very confident. There is no doubt in my mind about what I am looking for, and I know my own intelligence. Man though - some of the guys that have been messaging me and actively pursuing me lately - I just feel like they are SO out of my league. They are super fit, sexy, attractive, dazzling, smart, well-off financially. I am just floored by the attention. I find myself asking, what is wrong with this guy for wanting to go out with me?!

I know I need to take a step back and examine why I have such low self-esteem with this. I have been working really hard at getting good at accepting compliments. However, being able to accept compliments and believe the compliments are two very different things.

Anyway, this guy last night, even though we spent the entire night together hanging out and laughing and he was VERY CLEARLY into me, and he messaged me in the wee hours of the morning, telling me to please get back to him about my weekend availability, I still have difficulty believing that he has any interest in me. Like, why would he want to date ME? I find myself throwing up guards because of that and examining his motives. Though really, I don't think they are nefarious - he's just a guy going on a date! And if he didn't really like me, wouldn't he have left after our scheduled one drink at the bar? And then he extended it to dinner, and then suggested we hang out longer at the bar, and then we closed down the bar, and then he gave me an amazing goodbye kiss. Ok, kisses.

Ugh. I need to work on this.
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