GG, I have to pick your brain a bit if you don't mind. You see it feels like you and my fiance have similar issues going on and the lack of follow through is hard for me to understand. I've always been a person who puts others first. I always follow through. I can't help but... Be there. My Fiance struggles with following through and he has explained it just as you have. That he means it when he says he will do A, but in turn he did B because he THOUGHT it would be fine. He ASSUMED that since I had or did *insert anything here* that it would be fine for B to happen even though he agreed, even promised that he would do A. I really wish he could tell me the whys of it. It hurts me terribley that he struggles to keep his word. It makes me feel like I'm only important to him when it suits him and that he does indeed "forget" the place that he appointed me to in his life. It's such a blow to my... Being when he does this. Is it a lack of motivation? Insecurities that get the best of you? Better to not try at all than to fail at what I said I would do? Selfishness? I just think if maybe I could understand it that would give me some type of peace of mind.
He also wants me to be able to believe that he will do the things he says, but from the biggest to the smallest I do not believe. It's hard to believe. To put faith in someone you really do depend on in life and have them drop you on your ass in the biggest of ways and the smallest of ways. After a while it doesn't matter is it's big or small. It's all BIG. That bag of clothes as an example FUCKING hurts, because why must you make me repeat it so many times. I know you could care less about the bag. I GET THAT. BUT, it is important to ME and yes I could move it, or I could get MACA (lol sorry LR for speaking as you. Maybe GG and I both can learn something out of this) to take it out, but I NEED to know that I can depend on you too. Yes, you're right the bag of clothes isn't important at all, it's my DESIRE for that damn bag to get out of our nice family room that means so much to me. That DESIRE should be ENOUGH. But... It's not. Why?
I see alot of my fiance in you and I so know the heartbreak LR feels over it. My fiance struggles in truly connecting and GETTING IT when we try to talk through our issues, but there's rarely resolution that sticks. Either we are speaking two different languages (ie he is "hearing" what I'm saying but it's not sinking deep down into his heart) or he makes wonderful words and then "forgets" them. It's so painful to KNOW someone LOVES you, but the feeling in your bones says they don't care enough to love you the way you need to be loved. It hurts to know I can talk until I'm blue in the face and I can even be naive enough to believe this mans words because I love him so much I want to believe that THIS time will be the time when his words are more than just words. It's hard keep picking yourself up off the ground and climbing back into the arma of the one that keeps letting you hit the ground... And yet we want to believe so badly because we love you so damn much. X(
I just wish I could crawl inside his mind to understand because I don't get where the struggle comes from. I don't want to be angry, hurt, bitter, ect. I just want to understand why this is happening because I don't believe you can fix a problem without knowing the cause...
PS. LR I totally get why you are thinking about moving GG to a secondary. You've been trying to get the things you need from him, right? You've talked until you're blue in the face right? And you love him enough to realize that if he can't provide what you need from him that you have to make peace with it and this is your way of doing it? After so many talks it feels like he's not capable so then it falls upon you to change what you need of him to what he is capable of, but at the same time it hurts to give all that you do and not get a fraction in return. So as a way to try and make this broken situation healthy for the both of you, you're trying to lessen expectations for both of you to gain some peace and ease between not only the two of you, but for you whole family. This is how I see it. Not a punishment... An I've tried all there is to try, it's not working so we need to change it so it does work.
Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-07-2010 at 03:44 PM.