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Old 01-23-2014, 03:16 AM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
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Been having a hard time reconnecting with bassman (formerly known as DH) {as wonderboy stated "if you're gonna blog, you should get creative" so here I go}.

Arrived home late Monday. Bassman brought up the benefits of a relationship with another OSO in that it does not get diluted with those things that a mono-relationship that goes poly has in it and probably never will (unless this other relationship and the first one all live together). And for me...that's where a lot of my envy has been rooted in (or is it jealousy)? This came from his weekend spent with his sweety (aside from when he worked so they had the afternoons from like 2:30 on until he worked the next morning together {just an fyi - I was feeling tons of compersion for them while I was away}. He noted that it was vey nice being in the home with no kids and just getting to know each other more and more. But as he stated, they'll never end up in fights, they'll never really go through things bassman and I have gone through, so the love doesn't get side winder things thrown at it (well except from their spouses having struggles with their NRE and time spent together).

Back to my huge disconnect. I have narrowed it down to a few things. First is my sadness over wonderboy. I'm struggling with the reality that the chemistry and connection he and I have will never grow beyond just friends. I have come to accept that today. Second is the looming amount of hours and days I'm about to start working until April 15th. Basically every day to equal 70 hours a week. Third I've been feeling really stuck on my Fridays (a true Friday night) of having no transportation for the kids and I to do errands or what ever we feel like. I've always had issues with Fridays and it's come to light that bassman's Friday overnights are bothering me. See his Friday is actually Mondays and he has his overnight with Wild Orchid (MG's new name here), doesn't come home until Tuesday afternoon; thus his role in the responsibility department with kids doesn't hit until his "saturday". And that's been rubbing me a bit lately...that my Friday and weekend is all responsibility, that actually every day I have the family responsibility with no time off.

Today I text'd with The Hunter (SG's new name who is Wild Orchid's husband) and both of us have been struggling. His girlfriend, The Masseuse, and him haven't seen each other for over three weeks as she needed a break {reminder she's mono} and he's been having some health issues and has only been able to have sex with Wild Orchid twice in three weeks. Funny, I think it's good he and I didn't force a relationship as we have one as friends and a sounding board for each other. Hearing our sides helps both of us realize we are growing, albeit with some struggles, and as he said "one day we'll sit back and laugh at ourselves".

After work bassman and I discussed this conversation I had. I have come to feel like second best, I have come to realize discussions that he has with Wild Orchid about our relationship happen with her first, and with me, when I bring it up, which bothers me and he has been told. One example is Valentine's Day. It's on a Friday. I brought up how it's on his night with her and bassman tells me they discussed that a bit ago and they've agreed to spend it with their spouses. And maybe it's not that they discussed with before he discussed with me, he just forgot to tell me about it until I brought it up. Other little things like the co-worker who told bassman she wants to have sex with him. He told Wild Orchid about it this weekend and then me when we were having a discussion on Monday after I arrived. For me, here it is again, I'm second to be talked to. *And if I wasn't told I'm "primary" and she's "secondary", maybe, just maybe it wouldn't bother me. That's the crux...bassman and wild orchid operate in the primary/secondary thought process of their relationships, yet, the behaviors are not that way.*

This is an area all of us do need to work on. I don't like these terms much and am not sure I'd think of another lover as my secondary but as an equal with me and my spouse.*

So today, this early evening, bassman and I discussed our calendars. Based on the issues I'm having and the ones The Hunter is having, he offered to cut back overnights to one a week until April 15th and when tax season is over, I agreed to him going back to two overnights but no more Fridays but Thursday instead. *He also requested that on Wednesdays during the day (he will have our princess home with him) if Wild Orchid is close by, she can come visit them. I agreed as long as our princess does not go to daycare. Her schedule is mon & tues, home with daddy on wed, and back to daycare on thurs and fri. She also needs a consistent schedule (she'll be 3 in March). Bassman agreed. After this agreement he called up Wild Orchid to let her know what he and I have worked out. She asked him about surprise visits and his response (I didn't hear what she asked only his answer) "this isn't the time for that and probably not a good idea". When he finished the call I asked what that part regarded.

The Hunter discussed with me that he needs to spend more time with bassman, get to be better friends. I find this ironic and maybe it's due to them being poly for over 15 years and me since July 2013, but I'm not ready to get super close with my metamour, Wild Orchid. It's not that I don't like her {I think she's super cool and awesome} but until I'm able to get a network of new girlfriend's I can vent to, I'd not be comfortable getting super close with her. I don't want her to be my sounding board when I'm struggling nor to talk badly about bassman with her. *And the more she text'd me that we need alibabe_muse and wild orchid time, the more anxiety I started experiencing. Bassman discussed this with her and she does understand and he told her sometime down the road I'd be willing to get to know her more, just not at this time.

Dinner's here and I am so hungry I'll get back later.

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 01-23-2014 at 03:23 AM.
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