"One important thing I have learned is this; Bisexuality is not a combination of two seperate but equal orientations. My attraction to males is inseperable from my attraction to females. I can't compartmentalize. I can't suppress one without suppressing the other. I can't express one without expressing the other. I have just begun an incredible journey. I interpret this time in my life as an incredible turning point." - Joyce Beach link: http://www.gaymormonstories.com/Joyce_Beach.html
I have mostly, in many ways removed myself from the LDS church, and this has greatly helped me accept my bi-sexual self, however, the deep societal pressure I self inflict on myself... of being with only one person ...is still being unravelled in myself.
Joyce's quote could equally be applied to my new budding realisation of how I feel about polyamory:
"Polyamory is not a combination of two serparate loves, but equal loves. My attraction to more than one person is inseperable to my deep affections for one person." I feel that is appropriate to me.
Loving M, does not diminish my love for A. Always there will be a place in my heart for her. Having loved in the past my ex-husband(X) did not dimish my love for M. Only my ex-husband(X) caused the demishment of my love for him because of the extensive abuse I had at his hands, and endured for much longer than nessecary.
So as I unravel my past, and look forward to my future, while living presently and intuitively, I hope to build and nuture more loving connections in my life. As A tells me there are many ways to look at the world, and he chooses, I'm ok, You're ok.
Doesn;t mean the behaviour is always ok with each other, or we do not agree to disagree, but simply that accepting ourselves allows room to accept others and in this we find a greater and deeper love. Perhaps in A, I will find a deep and transient love. I know that I care a great deal about him, but the love word has not passed our lips. So we shall see.
Roll on Saturday!!