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Old 01-22-2014, 03:09 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 182

Hi jeb, hope you're doing okay with all the information coming your way. You'll get strong opinions about the order of events, like when you found out about things, but your first reaction to it all seemed positive, so go with that. Go with what you see in yourself, and use what you hear in forums like this as advice, not strict guidelines...

I find the "unicorn" term less than helpful here, unless you find out that there's some weird expectation that you also be hot for the wife. Now, it could turn out you ARE hot for the wife, and she isn't hot for you, which would suck. It could turn out she's totally into you, and you're not into her. It could turn out that you met the wife and she thought you were cool and safe with her husband, and she otherwise leaves the two of you alone so you can date and have fun. It could turn out that you like her more than him, or that you end up having awesome three person make out sessions, or who knows what else. From what you wrote, there's not enough information to say, and it seems like you're not sure what is "supposed" to happen next. My thought is: whatever feels right to you.

Your response of "apparently??!" seemed to be around the expectation that dating a married guy implied dating his wife, but honestly, that's only going to happen if you want it to happen. You own your choices. You own your emotions. You're no unicorn, which is a mythical beast that can't be found when people go looking for it. You're a person, and you get to decide what you do next. If that means dating him, great. If it means dating her, too, great. Whatever makes you happiest...

If you like the guy, and dating him is fun, let things flow to where they flow. Enjoy the time with him. His wife is amazing and gorgeous - that's great! Enjoy that space with them. Become friends. Romp. Relax. There's a lot to learn about, sure, but you have plenty of time, as long as you take the time you need. Enjoy it. Otherwise, what's the point?
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