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Old 04-07-2010, 09:53 AM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dagypsy View Post
New word for me. Boyfriend claimed to be polyamorous 4 years ago when we entered into a monogamous relationship. For 4 years. Has had ongoing online/phone relationship with woman number 2 since before I met him. I am facing my first weekend with him away to spend 3 days with her. I don't understand. He claims to love me, that nothing has changed, we are still 'together'. Help me see this as something other than a case of he wants his cake and eat it too. Isn't this just self-centered? How do I learn to live with this? How do polyamorous relationships work?
Boyfriend and I have been together nearly five years and most of it has LOOKED monogamous. It looked it, at least to me, because neither of us had another most of the time. In our heads and hearts though we weren't monogamous. At worst it was us taking a break to work on US so that when there is/was another we would have a stronger foundation to work from.

I highly recommend www.xeromag.com. Especially http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyjealousy.html, http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyrefrigerator.html and http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolycommunication.html. The first two deal with jealousy specifically. The last deals with how to communicate effectively.

Communication is THE cornerstone of a good relationship. IMO, and this IS JMO, you don't have much of a relationship if you can't communicate effectively.

I just reread what you wrote and something struck me:
Quote:
4 years ago when we entered into a monogamous relationship.
Did he SAY the two of you were going to be monogamous or did you assume the two of you were going to be?

Last edited by Breathesgirl; 04-07-2010 at 09:54 AM. Reason: change a word for clarity
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