Thank you both for your advice. I will certainly take all of your suggestions into consideration. I'm a pretty pessimistic guy, however, and I feel, at least at this point, that this may be a lost cause. In the end I believe that I will either loose my wife and family or I will loose my special friend and my own identity.
As I said before, I am afraid of my wife. She has emotionally blackmailed me for many years and I do believe that there has been some level of emotional abuse. She is a very domineering woman. But I love her. I never understood why a woman would stay married to a man who beat her. Over the past 18 months or so I have become aware of the torment that I have been through at the hands of my wife. Yet, I still love her and I remain with her. I completely understan now why it is so hard for the battered woman to leave.
Thank you again!