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Old 01-22-2014, 09:38 AM
Inthedark Inthedark is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Fountain, Colorado
Posts: 86

[QUOTE=GalaGirl;257827]Who or what is stopping you from having emotionally fulfulling friendships? You? Wife? How?

My wife. She denies it but in order to enter into any sort of relationship the friend must first be approved by her.

What do you need to be happy? From you? From someone else?

I just want affirmation and emotional intamacy. My wife does not understand what these things are even after I've explained them time and again. If a relationship became physical and/or sexual in nature, I wouldn't stop it from happening but I don't feel that I need that. I also don't feel that I need to go out and find a third or fourth or fifth partner. From my wife I need the family stability and the love that comes along with it. Does that make sense?

Exactly what in your behavior is against military rules? You having a non-sexual friend you care about deeply?

As far as the military goes, until the other day, my friend was one of my Soldiers. I was her supervisor and I seriously outrank her. That sort of thing is against the rules even if it is only a friendship.

So you ARE happy. At least on the Special Friend side of the coin.

I am but I could be happier. She brightens my day, everyday. But I don't want to have to hide it.

Seems like problem lies with wife relationship and not the friend relationship then.

This is true. She is very jealous and also sees my desire to have other relationships as a rejection of her. She is also very selfish.

You did not appreciate your wife giving the green light, and then taking it back when her other relationship folded. You would still like to be able to have non-sexual Special Friends that you can enjoy and love.

Non-sexual or sexual. I'm not seeking sex but if it happens it happens. Im not going to stop it. Do I want to have sex with my friend? Hell yes! Do I need to. No. Especially if it would harm our emotional relationship.

So... you could tell her what you want so you are not keeping it hidden.

Om afraid to. I dont want to risk my family. She is also vicious when angry and she emotionally abuses me. The first time, when things fell through, I became suicidal.

You felt entitled because of her cheating affairs -- have you both healed from all that? Or still have work to do? Could do the repair work that is still left pending.

I'm healed. We kind of have an open marriage now. It doesn't bother me if she has sex with others as long as she is safe, open and honest, and does not sacrifice the welfare of our children. That said I am not allowed to put one toe out of line. She has said that it would be alright to "swing" but I'm not into that.
"Wife, I don't want a divorce. I don't want to cheat or keep things hidden from you. I want to make repairs to our relationship from all the cheating.

I also want to be up front and honest with you from this point on. So I want to make you aware that I have a special friend. It is non-sexual. I care about my friend and enjoy having the friendship because it brings me joy. She does not replace you or threaten your position as my wife. But given our past history, I want to be up front and honest and stop with leaving things out or keeping secrets. I want our marriage to be strong and healthy."
There. She's aware.

This would not go over well.

THank you for this. I'm very confused at this point. Right now I am overseas and my wife and I are apart. I have a few months left to figure things out. One thing is for sure. I have to choose to go one way or the other. Despite all the happiness that my friend gives me, there is still a lot of pain. Its hard to hide.
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