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Old 01-21-2014, 08:31 PM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London
Posts: 199
Question

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
"One major part of polyamory seems to be the sex"


Mags has a point, though. If you're in love, and very attracted to someone, and you both are being physically affectionate, touching, kissing, almost certainly turning each other on... do you really think it'll be enough, for you and the other person, to go home and masturbate while thinking about each other, time after time, while never taking the opportunity in front of you in real life even though you both desire it... for *years*?
I agree, I did this for years with a female friend of mine, for almost 10 years we never made love or did anything, out of respect to her desire for non-sex. After I told her I was done, that I needed more than she could offer me (this was with out her agreeing to poly, so she wanted one person to be with and she saw that being a man so i never had sex with her) I held a candle for her for years, and to find out a year after being turned down she is married and sexual with her husband, it just broke my heart. I dont see any reason to stay this way if you really like some one, and I certainly did everything I could do to show her I wanted her. To me I see big red flags of abuse or some such thing i nthe past to do with trust. That was the case for me, and I worked through it around 18/19...and just finished healing from it 9 years later! And with the female friend she also had similar issues, patriarchal as another post put it and negativity towards sex (mormon beliefs). So, although I understand where you're coming from, and I didnt have sex until I was married, (discounting childhood abuse), it actually did me a lot of good to let the cat out of the bag when I did, and sounds like you aren't all that asexual yourself, as I didnt even masterbate or let anyone kiss me (until 17/18 first kiss!!)
Take you're time to be a late bloomer if you like, but now is the time to decide if you conciously want to be a virgin longer, or want to explore further than your finger tips and why?

I personally can't be with an asexual person unless I was fully practicing poly because my libido is too high and I would want to please that person sexually as it would beh ard for me to wrap my brain around not enjoying good sex with someone you love. I can understand bad sex, been there done that, and the fear of bad sex, but great sex is also possible, and its always worth going through the "bad sex" to find the great sex hahaha. Theres someone for everyone in my oppinion Or someones in this case....
But I digress,
my point is, you got a lot of time ahead of you decide and this is a really interesting topic as i've been approached by asexual women mostly, wnating to be with me, and i'd like to hear more on those views as i struggle understanding it!
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