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Old 01-21-2014, 10:46 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Default Dipping my toe back into OKCupid

I had my OKC account disabled for quite a long time - not sure but it was at least six months, probably longer. Turned it back on, noticed the site's changes, and poked around a bit. For someone who lives in a big city, it seems like pretty slim pickins' here. I get a lot of results when I do a search, but wind up Hiding most of them without even visiting their profiles. I just want not to see them pop up in searches anymore - I hate to admit it but there are a lot of ugly people in NYC. Either that, or their pictures turn me off for other reasons. I especially love the guys who are definitely in their 70s claiming to be in their 50s, as if we can't tell. Ugh. Then I search for poly and variations on that word, non-monogamy, etc. and get maybe two or three people. A few searches, with minor changes to distance and "last logged in," came up with no one! Not a one.

Then the Inbox starts lighting up. Jeeee-zus! What losers with their lame, "hi how r u 2nite?" "nice smile" and "What's up sweetheart?" That is the full contents of three messages I received from guys who were like 20% to 30% matches. Have all the intelligent men fled the site? And what's with all the guys who look like gangsters?

So, I realize, turning my profile back on means I now have the equivalent of a second job, if I want anything to come out of it. Lots of work to do... so I start digging, reading, checking out their answers to questions I deem important, and so on. I wrote to three guys I thought seem interesting, smart, and witty. Oh, and good-looking, too. Two did not answer.

But one did. He actually is smart, funny, and interesting, and a 99% match. Oh, and good-looking, too. Sent me a link to a delightfully entertaining YouTube video that had me laughing and smiling for a good long time after watching it. And he's curious about stuff in my profile - which means, folks, that... ta-da, he read it - yay! Milestone! Very promising. I guess we'll see... so far, I likey.

So, I'm feeling a wee bit hopeful - but it's rough out there, people. Really rough. I'd forgotten! Maybe I need a strategy. Suggestions welcome!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 01-21-2014 at 11:00 AM.
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