I feel like I'm holding my breath.
Easy and I discussed how my parents' messed up relationship and a couple of extremely bad break-ups may have caused me to try to prematurely end relationships where I don't feel completely secure. We agreed that at the very least I won't do anything drastic until Asha comes home. Monday night, Sunday called me for no reason for the *very first time ever*, which I'm choosing to take as a good sign.
I called Sunday tonight and told him I needed him to be clear if he really wants me to back off. He said he didn't think that was necessary. (Background: we really messed up when we started the quad, and the result was that last summer Asha was seriously considering divorcing Sunday, because of me. After that, Sunday decided that perhaps he couldn't be poly and stopped the physical side of our relationship. Later he said maybe he could handle being poly, and that he did love me, and I've been slowly increasing the amount of affection that I show. But it still feels like one step forward, two steps back.) I defiantly told him I loved him when I hung up.
Thank you, LR. I'm trying really hard to have a positive attitude (and failing).